Intelligence:
Disagreements is known as a double agent because his presence in your relationship is not unwanted. In fact, he is needed because he identifies issues that
need to be addressed to improve the quality of your relationship. However, when Disagreements is not handled properly, he will turn on your relationship by 1)
causing unresolved negative feelings to build up, 2)
developing destructive patterns of interaction and 3)
attacking and eroding other positive aspects of your relationship.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to properly handle Disagreements by creating a plan on how you will agree to disagree.
T.O.P (Tactical Operations Plan):
1) Your relationship already has a plan for how to handle Disagreements, whether you know what it is or not. But to properly handle Disagreements, you must first identify your current system for handling Disagreements. Do this by reflecting on what happens when Disagreements appears and causes Conflict (another double agent - but we'll deal with him later). What do you do? What do you say…how do you say it? How does your mate respond? How does their response effect you? etc...
2) Discreetly pick a date and time to have a discussion with your mate. This time must be uninterrupted for both of you. Do not, say "I'd like to talk to you about something." - or anything overt like that. That will jeopardize your mission. You pick a time you feel would be best (i.e., early in the morning, before bed, after the children are asleep, etc…).
3) Have a discussion with your mate about coming up with a plan on how to agree to disagree. The discussion must center around tweaking your existing plan for handling Disagreement and coming to agreement on a new plan. We leave the approach to this discussion up to you, but if you need help getting started we offer the following:
A) If you are a female, start by saying, "I was thinking about something that I need your advice on, when do you have about 15 minutes to talk."
B) If you are a male, start by saying "I was thinking about something I wanted to share with you. I want to know how you feel about it. When can I share it with you?"
C) Then propose your idea for what YOU will do differently the next time Disagreements appears. DO NOT make any recommendations on what YOU think your mate should do! Only focus on what YOU will do differently. Even if you think you are doing everything right, tweak what you currently do and offer it up as something different. Your mate will then be inclined to offer their recommendation of what they will do differently. If he/she doesn't, DO NOT ask him/her to state what they will do differently, nor tell him/her what you think they should do differently. Simple tell your mate what YOU would like to experience in the future.
For example "I'd like it if, in the future, I don't feel like my opinion isn't valid whenever my opinion doesn’t make sense to you." Or, "I think I can respond better, in the future, if I don't feel like I will be blamed for something before I can explain the whole situation." Make sure you keep your word in future-tense and NOT past-tense, for this may only lead to further attacks from Disagreements.
You have exactly 7 days to accomplish your mission. Post your situation report (sit-rep) on the Family Bootcamp Facebook page.
This CO-OPERATE mission is top-secret. Your mate must never detect you attempting to eliminate the terrorist Stress. If you get caught, the Family Bootcamp will disavow any knowledge of your involvement or the mission. Good luck...and may God be with you.